When not loving myself on the mat, I’m tirelessly finding ways to keep my love inspired. My heart like the heart of many others has been broken before. I found myself often times before I had this practice in spaces of confusion and despair and wondering why love existed if it hurt so bad. Basically my life was a Lauryn Hill and Mary J. Blige remix on repeat. Living my life with this misunderstanding of love had me not only broken up emotionally but also not loving myself fully.
It wasn’t until I was into my teacher training that I began to consider what love really was. I mean I thought I loved myself but at the same time how could I really love myself when I was choosing unloving ways and choosing unloving people, I was hurting myself. Yoga itself gave me a space to reflect on my love and how I could use my practice to heal my own heart.
I mean how many times do we enter into situationships with all these issues and concerns that create tension even before romance begins? We carry the wounds from past experiences so closely that we don’t give ourselves a chance to be whole to offer our time, energy and attention to another. Healing heart wounds takes time, but it also takes intention.
“Basically my life was a Lauryn Hill and Mary J. Blige remix on repeat.”
When practicing yoga there are so many elements of love that you begin to learn. I have learned that love accepts capacity; we can not want, desire or expect our bodies to go beyond its boundaries because of limitations such as injuries, age, old habits causing imbalances the body can do no more. Similarly love accepts the capacity of its interest their ways, their existence is and we can not expect people to move beyond their means, meander from their paths in life to please us. We can lovingly accept where people are in life but we can not force change.
Think of it like this; a gorgeous yogi around mid 30’s whom shall remain nameless (LOL) decides that she is going to do a headstand. She believes in herself and sees a photo of this pose and decides that she can do anything she puts her mind to. She presses her head against the floor in an attempt to turn upside down and she comes crashing down with a sharp click in her neck.
She wasn’t ready to turn upside down, she didn’t have the core strength to do so, nor did she have the strength in her neck or proper alignment awareness, her body was not able to enter this pose safely nor the endurance to sustain it.
When we expect people to change their ways sometimes they have no experience to support those changes, sometimes people don’t change until they are ready, until they have had the times in their lives to support the changes that grow them….it isn’t personal though, but we make it so.
My favorite lessons from yoga have allowed me to begin to see myself and my love as a gift, and the hurt I’ve experienced as the wrapping and pretty bows on those gifts. While I can not promise the hurt will go away from heart wounds; be it loss of loved ones who left this life too soon, the loss of a marriage, or the loss of self love from trauma I do know that as long as you have a beating heart and breath in your body you are here. For me yoga has helped me find a way to move beyond my hurt and for that I am forever grateful.
Check out my #loveisdopecountdown from earlier this year filled with daily inspirations and love tips on self love. So much has changed since February 2016 and I can’t wait for the countdown for 2017!