Drama is something that just exists, meaning it is what it is. For some time I was stuck in a cycle of being the queen of drama. This wasn’t drama that I created but the dramatic events of my life choices. Many can relate to being in crisis mode more often than not. Sometimes it is the craziness from our employment or the crazy from our relationships that drive us to our wits end.
There are moments I sort of am irritated by my yoga practice because it reminds me of feeling like I’m allowing someone to get over on me in life. I have often been accused of being too nice, too honest, too naive, too trusting just too much love I guess. I at one point didn’t know how to exactly deal with drama besides floods of tears.
Things hurt y’all, people say things that cut deep, people take things that don’t belong to them and they lie and they are deceitful and they are intentional with their games of keep away. As a yogi I still have feelings and emotions and they are very real. I deal with the reality of manipulation in my life and have decided that while people exist in this world selfishly that it isn’t personal. It may seem personal but it isn’t. It is less about me and more about the other and their perspective of their needs and their worldview of their options in meeting them.
Drama at that point is less of a harmful experience and more of people just being people. Being on a path of truth and honesty can be a very hostile journey. It can take you further from the faults of others and be a mirrored path reflecting all of your own insecurities and ways of acting that are self sabotaging or hurtful to others. This is the part the “ish” gets real cause yoga goes well beyond bending backs and leg gaps. These principles are highly valued in my life and they illuminate and direct me when I am going through things. It is important to me to live a high quality life beyond material possessions. If I possess my own love for myself and possess my own self correction and possess my own honesty the drama of life doesn’t rock my world it affirms my emotional ability and validates my personal connection to learning myself.
Ahimsa: The practice of non-violence or doing no harm….this is one of my favorites because I in the past have done, and said things to harm myself. I have negative self talked, I have lied to myself and others even over my life (who hasn’t right?). This yama helps me when I am feeling slighted I remind myself to be kind to me and I realized my grandmothers words “never let it hurt so bad you hurt yourself”. So I stopped harming myself when I was hurting, I stopped offering advice I wasn’t asked to give, I stopped believing that if my intention was harmless someones hurt was invalid. It is a truly life changing yama.
Satya: The practice of truthfulness is a challenge because a lie sometimes seems the only way to protect ourselves. However I recently learned it is my choice and my choice only to answer any question or speak any truth or untruth. Silence is not a lie or truth it is a choice. I struggled with lying because I was always accused of it. I would go out of my way living in a way that intentionally reminded people that I was not a liar but I was also living in a way that was harming myself by doing so. This yama is special because it can also relate to how you exist in your time and space. Truthfulness is avoided because of manipulation or fear. We want but don’t want others to want different. Truthfulness may also mean we have to do more when we don’t really want to, maybe we are tired and the stress is too much to handle. Living in your truth is empowering and it also can raise some conflict. Being ready for what comes as a response to your truth is a huge undertaking. However a life grounded in satya is liberating, and it takes courage to do so which is the reason I adore this principle.
I don’t profess to be something other than a brown girl breathing. I don’t have answers but I have experiences for which I am forever grateful for. I also celebrate the many friendships that have flourished as I learn how to be a bigger and better version of myself. Life without the yamas for me is like taking shallow breaths. The stress of believing things about myself that aren’t true, the stress of working to be some kind of way so that people understand how hurt I am because of their actions or words, the stress of living in a way that avoids the angry black woman identifier all those stressors are relieved when I choose to live with the yamas for guiding me.
I’m excited to share more about the final three yamas so stay tuned for part 2!