Not Your Fuel….All Your Fire

“Nothing seems to go right”

“I can’t keep it together”

“It never fails…..”

All these thoughts run through my mind and down my cheeks as tears. Even as a yogi there are moments that remind me of how challenging life can be. My challenges sometimes seem to be met with fierce confidence and supreme self-love. Other times I low key curl up into a ball and cry……cause at the very least its something that I can do very well.

But in between those tears what isn’t there anymore is the guilt I used to have for feeling down. I was at one time angry and immobilized by my emotions. Really I felt like a victim and being a victim can be confusing.

With my practice of yoga, I can say I have a new filter. Instead of letting my emotions drag me I allow myself to feel sour and still be sweet to myself. Over time I began to  I realize that it is false that nothing goes right… is false that I can not keep “it” together….and yet it is true that it never fails; weird right? LOL

What do you do when your situation is due to no effort of your own?  It can be stressful living in your challenges that aren’t ones you initiated.  It happens to me all the time, I do my best but there seems to be someone who intentionally or unintentionally adds fuel to the fire and in honesty may have actually started the fire themselves.

Now I have a fire to put out that I didn’t help create and there I am standing there with only my tears to put it out and that doesn’t work too well. I absolutely get discouraged, embarrassed, overwhelmed and angry when it isn’t my fire, or my fuel it’s infuriating. If you have had a moment or a situation in which someone’s shadiness has cost you, it is possible to let that shade keep you cool.

You know there are times that you took the high road, did your part, didn’t create drama but it still ended up not so favorable ONLY because of someone else….yeah that kind of shade. It can be an emotionally draining space. Your inner dialogue can have you buggin out on yourself and lashing out at others.

In that moment you may be out of control of the situation yourself but you are in complete control for how you relate to it. We can displace our anger at the shortcomings and shade and anchor our anger in those thoughts and completely sink up our whole day.

Is it cool that someone is wack? Never! Is it ok that someone did you dirty? Hell nawl! Is it acceptable that you have to deal with a problem that someone else started? No….it isn’t.

What is ok is for you to feel hurt, disgusted, irritated and let down. Emotions are real but be careful not to wade in them; if you know about wading in water it shrivels you up and makes you all wrinkly lol. Being an emotional prune doesn’t sound too good, so don’t wade and don’t let your mind wander into the land of what if. Imagination can be neutral or narcissistic and if you let your thoughts run wild you can find your emotions are fueled by your fantasies and you can get lost in your thoughts.  Once you’re in there it can be really hard to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s fake. Your mind can play some wicked tricks on you and you can become convinced that you are doomed and always suffering.

Your inner dialoge can have you buggin out on yourself and lashing out at others.

If you happen to be taken aback by your situation and swept up in your emotions don’t worry a return trip to reality is super accessible with some gentle mindful moments.  Let’s be real feeling like your drama is unfair because it literally is unfair is legit but be fair to yourself and realize that folks will always throw shade but the beauty of it is that shade moves through the day leaving you standing in the sun….so at some point you get to choose to follow the shade or stay getting sun kissed. Me….I’m about this sunshine but trust, when it gets too hot…. I’m catching all the shade folks throw to keep me cool.   Happy #MindfulnessMonday

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Mila K.


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