My self-love is on 10 this time in my life. I’m feeling better about my emotional independence and I’m feeling confident about managing my undesired emotions too. Where does that leave me in a relationship though?
I have all of these self-care practices that have released the chains of neediness; basically instead of getting irritated and picking up the phone to vent…I take a breath. My actions of self-care put all of the access to a better feeling version of myself into my own hands.
It dramatically has changed how I relate to people and they are free to give me their friendship, companionship and shared time without being bound to be what I NEED them to be for me to feel free.
This isn’t to say that this wondrous new understanding of my abilities hasn’t come with some changes that push me to consider is this all a good thing. Because I no longer need others to help me process, or to calm me down, or to talk me off of a ledge it an appearance that I am withdrawing from a friendship. It can also feel as though I am lonely in that I don’t feel the need to share certain things that I use to, as there simply is no excitement to talk about what irritated me.
When we release our friends and family from being held love hostage it can feel truly unsettling. A new freedom to exist in ways that invite honesty and no judgment can be questioned as to its authenticity cause folks do be acting funny lol.
What I have learned in letting go of the need to hold people hostage in my habits for attaining relief is that you begin to see just how special that person is. This person has given you their attention, their space, their home, their solidarity, prayers and kind words. This person or people have invested moments of clarity through sending affirmations, rescheduling their lives and finding time to be there for you and they may not do the same for themselves. You begin to see that it is a cycle of love accountability that celebrates being there for others without full awareness of how we need to be there for ourselves.
Co-dependency tastes like compassion sometimes. It isn’t to say that we don’t share what is important with people we love, this is to be clear about our friends and family being held hostage to be a source for your emotional security. When their lives and capacity changes as it will and should we question their loyalty or we are angered at how we think they should be there for us when we say so.
Learning how to be there for yourself frees up moments of tearful woes, to reflections of growth more often and those are the kind of moments I’m living for from now on.