I have feelings.
Just because I have feelings doesn’t make me an angry person.
Just because I have emotional responses to things, conversations and experiences that I find disturbing don’t require your agreement.
Being angry in a Black woman’s body seems to be the most policed thing ever. My smile has to be permanent, my ways always accommodating, my grace continuously extended and my body language inoffensive at all times.
The stress of trying to just live is enough to give you high blood pressure.
I’ve been told “that is nothing to be mad about” and in my head I laugh.
I’m angry sometimes…DAMN!
It isn’t as though I walk around looking to be triggered but the perception of how I live in that energy can be distracting. If others perceive me to be angry, volatile and snappy it can cost me. Mind you it is simply the perception of another that can damage my name and push me out of opportunities.
People can perceive my tone as hurtful, my words as harsh. People can perceive my personal boundaries as offensive and unnecessary, people can interpret the articulation of my needs to be passive aggressive.
Perception of emotions generally is taken as a negative. But why? Why do we have this easy time seeing things that hurt us and often have nothing to do with us? Why does someone else being upset or angry bother us if it doesn’t actively harm us?
A friend shared a story with me; A waitress didn’t smile, she asked professionally about the orders, came back on time, served them their meals without an issue. He didn’t leave her a tip. He said she wasn’t really rude but she seemed mad.
I was shocked.
I couldn’t believe how arrogant my friend was in that they deserved to feel positive energy which is perceived as a smile and not timely, professional service.
People are allowed to be angry. If their anger is disruptive towards you directly and it is toxic and damaging that is one thing and that is NOT what I am referring to. There are people with anger issues, and anxieties…this ain’t that boo.
This is about the Black women who be minding their business managing their feelings and being seen as angry when they aren’t, or being chastised for their anger because others don’t agree.
If you think I’m angry then that is what I am to you…
I can’t escape that false reality until you stop pretending that your perception is the truth.
I can’t exist in my full emotions and respected if you get to make up everything in your own mind instead of turning your attention to pick up on the emotions, feelings, and energy that is real.
It is ok to allow someone to exist in their own feelings and if you don’t like their feelings it seems that you do a lot of looking out maybe to avoid your own truth waiting for you if and when you turn inward.