Everyone has a very different relationship with their fathers and father figures. Fathers have a special place in our families, communities and lives overall. The tittle of father comes with it some standard expectations. Some fathers are capable of meeting their new lives with limitless joy, and constant compassion; whereas others not so much.
Be it relationships with partners, addictions that become distractions or an inability to balance the needs of children with ones’ hearts desires, a father whom falls short can leave a hole in the hearts of many.
My daddy wasn’t perfect. It was easy to forgive him through humiliating experiences because it wasn’t me who he hurt. I learned as I began my own family that the man I chose was equally flawed as my father but I had placed him on a pedestal. I believed that my partner was incapable of hurting me or the children as if fatherhood deactivated his bad habits for hurt, selfishness, anger and ego.
I was dead ass wrong! LOL. My wasband WAS just as hurtful as my father but for some reason he didn’t deserve the grace I extended to my father. There are some people where it is the opposite, their father is unforgivable yet the partner deserves multiple chances.
This is in no way inviting you to extend an olive branch to people because I say so. I use my blog to uncover how I really feel about my feelings and thoughts. My life has changed so much since having access to reflect on how I keep myself in an emotional jail and hell.
What I’ve learned is that everyone has the capacity to cause me harm. There is no special person that will never bring me pain; on purpose or accidental. In order for me to live in a place of awareness I must accept those very truths in order to hold on to what is real.
What is real is that a father is a human being, one that is shaped by their environments and dealing with their own choices and informed by their perceptions. Cultural expectations, traditions, abuses and neglect are equally as present in their lives as mothers’.
I was raised to have high expectations of my future husband and rarely taught about acknowledging the shit he is going through. I realize I was using my highest self on conditional basis. Depending on who you were my hurt feelings were weighted. This Father’s Day I decided to give a special gift that freed me from hurt feelings, forgiveness.
You see…yoga doesn’t stop bad things happening. Being a yogi doesn’t stop bad people coming into your life. Being a yogi allows you to use your practice on purpose when it matters. It ain’t about the poses y’all.
My life is completely different because I decided I wasn’t going to spend a lifetime caught up in the messiness of my mind. I’m dealing with the residual impacts of my ex partners parenting but I have a practice that will keep me moving forward seeing my favor. No good sailor has learned to sail on calm seas and life with all these menfolk have given me practice setting boundaries, and practice using my practice.